643d
I’ve been in an abusive relationship for two years. We both have BPD. We abused each other. I would say and do hurtful, destabilizing things out of the blue without him expecting it. Then act confused about the consequences. He did everything he could to be gentle, and forgiving, warning me that he was worried that if things didn’t get better he’d start having dissociative episodes. We had a stressful move. I got meaner for a while. He started dissociating. He started hitting me and verbally abusing me while he was dissociating. As soon as he snaps out, he’s always horrified with himself. He told me for months he would do anything for it to stop, if only his doctors would refer him to a residential treatment facility sooner. I finally had the guts to simply pack my bags and leave a week ago. He had a horrible episode as a result and ended up in a psych ward, which resulted in him finally getting referred to residential. Part of me is afraid that if we try again, it will all repeat itself. Another part of me wants so badly to try again, after we’ve had some space, and both of us have gotten the help we need. It’s impossible for me to know what will happen next. I just want us to both be okay.
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