Dealing with BPD in Relationships

does anyone have advice for dealing with bpd in relationships? this feels like a living hell and I'm tired of constantly being mad at him and beating myself up. I feel like I'm tearing us apart. he's still here after 2½ years and I don't want the constant fear of abandonment. I feel like he's at his edge and I keep pushing him away. I overthink so much and I constantly replay images of me being mean to him in my head and get terrible thoughts of ending it all. I love my life, I love him, I have so much to appreciate and it feels like they aren't my thoughts. every second im not with him I am figuring out ways to improve us and nothing changes. I am extremely dependent on him and I am terrified of him not being right next to me. I give him no space but when I try to it hurts and I spiral mentally.