Dealing with Trauma: My Struggle to Cope

my first post i dont really know what im doing so be nice... ive been ignoring the problems my entire life and just distracting myself/setting them aside and using my suicidal ness to motivate me to do extreme thinfs since i didnt care if i died. but now i dont have a distraction anymore so its like all my trauma from the years has just fallen onto me at once and i thjnk about it everyday non stop even remembering some things i had forgotten. this has been going on for a almost a year now and its causing me to develop irrational fears and limiting my social interactions ummm yeah first post sorry if this was too much...