Vulcan

92d

YALL I NEED ADVICE. i literally dont know what to do rn. so one of my friends, Ella, told me that our mutual friend, Hayley, had feelings for ella. so hayley also has feelings for someone else, max. so hayley tried to tell ella that like she cant start anything with her bc of this. however, hayley told me that she was polyamorous and likes both ppl and wants to be with both. but she told me not to tell either of them. now ella is pissed at me and hayley, like really pissed, that we arent telling her anything. like i understand that shes confused and hurt and just wants to understand whats going on. but i told her that she just needs to like let it go. ik that sounds terrible but i didnt know what else to say. i just feel like a terrible person no matter what i do. and this is 100% not hayleys fault. like im not blaming her at all. yall what do i do?

Social Anxiety

Depression

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  • Silly_Sili

    92d

    It really sounds like Ella and Hayley need to have a heart to heart, and not go through you. I know it sucks being caught in the middle of a situation like this, but ultimately it's something that needs to be worked out between them. If Hayley doesn't want to say anything then that's ok because she doesn't have to, and Ella should respect that. It isn't your place to play telephone, you know? It isn't your responsibility though to take care of the situation for them.

  • KitKat1450

    92d

    I second the above comment!! Don’t take their problems on as your own… it’s too much to navigate for anyone and it is clearly effecting you in a negative way. I would be upfront with all of them and be like look I’m your friend I’m here for you but my role is just that a friend to listen and advise if I’m capable of that but me communicating for y’all is not being a friend and it makes me feel ______. I don’t like feeling like that. So I’m going to extract myself from this situation and I’m here when you can respect that but otherwise I’m staying out of it. Quite honestly if they can’t respect that boundary it’s pretty clear they do t really care about how you feel. Setting a boundary can be really hard for both sides since y’all may not be used to that and it’s hard to remember to treat someone differently than you have. But if they are your friends they will go out of their way to respect that, make you feel heard, and keep you in their life by doing so. That’s really all a boundary is is saying this isn’t ok with me but I want our relationship to work so this is where I’m ok and I will respect yours as well. Let them figure out their issues. If you feel you want to mediate then do it with them both present to make you feel ok- like you are respecting and helping all then go for it and help them find common ground and understanding. Tough situation and I’m sorry all this pressure has landed on you. It isn’t yours to carry.

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