Dad.of.Many

270d

my wife and I fostered kids for 10 years and adopted 11 special needs kids. over the years I made special bonds with several of my kids and they have been a great support system through my many issues. as my anxiety and depression worsened I'm afraid I leaned too much on them because 3 of my sons who were my greatest support have begun falling away from me, and have all started lives of their own that don't seem to have much place for me in them. this saddens me greatly because my kids are my life, but only one of the three visits now and then, one still texts and calls me occasionally and one hardly ever texts, calls or visits. I never wanted to be a burden on my kids, but I feel like I have become a serious one and have pushed them away and my heart hurts so deeply because of it. I still want them in my life but I fear they don't want me in theirs.
the worst part is that all this has become a huge new trigger for my depression and anxiety.

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

View all
  • funnyhaha

    270d

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Do you currently have a therapist?

    • Dad.of.Many

      270d

      thank you. yes i have a therapist, and a psychiatrist, and a case manager

      • funnyhaha

        270d

        Have you had a chance to discuss these feelings with the therapist? If not, based on what you shared it sounds like perhaps there's some enmeshment, where you were relying too heavily on these people as your support system and now that they've pulled away, you're noticing the absence and are taking it personally. I think beyond asking yourself how you can foster a healthy relationship with them now as adults, comes the understanding that these relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Depending on what is happening in their lives may impact how much or how involved you are with them on a regular basis, but it may not be anything to do with you, but just with them trying to find their own way and making their own respective paths.

  • funnyhaha

    270d

    Can I also say as an aside what an amazing heart you must have to take in not one or two but 11 special needs foster children. That's incredible! I admire you for that.

    • Dad.of.Many

      270d

      thank you. 🤗

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