Struggling with Secrets and Betrayal in a Polyamorous Relationship

So me and my partners recently got into a relationship, but since there is a lot of hatred towards polyamouras couples, we've decided to be secretive about it by only telling certain people. there's this one person inside my life who is usually trustworthy and if I tell them not to tell people, they won't. For that, I let them in on a few of my secrets. I've been fighting with one of my friends, and we're both mad at eachother, and that friend so happens to be one of their greatest friends. very soon after I broke up with my older partner, I got with my partners. I should've waited and asked them later, but like, I've loved them for forever and I just wanted to get my love life straight since it was already confusing. I also thought they didn't like me back but turns out I was wrong. anyways, back to the beginning. The person who I trust told the friend I've been fighting with, and they're saying really rude stuff like I deserve everything that happens to me and things like that. I specifically told them NOT to tell anyone. it's frustrating because I can't keep shit to myself a lot, so I'm in the wrong a lot too but, the people I'm dating were my best friends and it's a big deal for people to know. my anxiety has been very high lately, and I can't really control it right now. I want to seek a therapist but my mother is going through a divorce so she's short on cash, my dad only would give me a therapist that would tell him everything I told them. I tell myself the days will get better but I... don't feel better. I doubt i will anytime soon. I thought about s/h before, and have done it before, but I don't think I wanna do that right now. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. Whoever spends their time reading this, thank you so much as I'm only a random stranger, and knowing someone cares enough is another minute well lived ❤️