Feeling guilty for not being sexually assaulted by my teacher

Fetishizing around your trauma is unfortunately a common side effect. That's why r*pe fantasies are so common. Don't be ashamed of your fetishistic thoughts- 8 years of childhood incest abuse would warp anyone. It's HEALTHY and GOOD that you are self aware and wish you felt differently!! ❤️❤️❤️ I'm also an incest abuse survivor. I used to have way more masochistic fantasies than I do now. Keep being self-aware, talking with a therapist or other survivors, and seek equal & respectful sexual partners. Over time your fantasy life can reshape to meet new healthy life experiences. Or you'll meet a partner who can do kink play with you ❤️ you're gonna be OK ❤️

this is a common response for trauma survivors! you are not a bad person for feeling that way but it is something you may want to unpack in therapy (if you have access to therapy, that is)

This is a normal (for us with trauma) feeling. Your abuser likely made you feel special or told you things you wanted to hear so it can feel like rejection from your teacher. You are not gross, disgusting and don’t need to be ashamed. Trauma literally changes our brain and how it thinks and functions. This is not your fault . Your therapist should not judge you but help you break down these feelings and get to the root of them so you can accept them and then let them go. ❤️

I fully get that. It's hard to explain but I get it and you're not alone in that experience at all.