Struggling to Hold My Family Accountable for Their Hurtful Words

I totally get it. I've found the best method for me is to not state blame but confront it each time it happens. It's scary, but the more you give them a hard time WHEN they're actually saying the hurtful things, the more they'll remember it and feel like it's a pain to say what they want. "You should just die-" "-WHAT?! What did you say?! To your CHILD?! I don't care if you're angry, you can't say that! Use your words like an adult! Say what exactly is bothering you, and don't act like a dick. ALSO- DON'T. Talk to my siblings that way." Of course you're going to get the response "Don't talk back to me!! I can say whatever I want~ this is my house~ you know I don't mean it~ yada yada yada," not taking any responsibility for their own actions. Just expect it every time and make it SUPER hard for them to get away with it. You're going to be called disrespectful and told you're out of line for disagreeing that it's okay. Fine. Try your best to not let it happen again. The more you put up a fight, the more irritated they'll get, but the more they'll avoid an annoying, never-ending argument they know will happen everytime they do it. Don't let it end until they start to give up and want to leave the fucking room. And don't argue over the fact that they gaslight. Never works. You have to do it in the moment they're saying the hurtful things. Unfortunately, when people are using gaslighting, they never give you the chance to heal from the gaslighting with acknowledgement and apology. Gotta accept that. Stick up for your siblings if you can't stick up for yourself. Know your worth. Protect your health. They don't need to understand how it's affecting you if they don't care. They need to stop the behavior so you can maintain health. You can do this! Don't give up. I know it hurts. From experience. It's gonna be okay, and it can get better with them. Also, wanting to fix this with your parents is a form of love on your part. For them, yourself, everyone involved. You're seeking health, healthy relationship, improvement. You're doing great! Just take the right approach (I use: not addressing blame or gaslighting), learn from mistakes, remember the truth outside of gaslighting, and stay loving.