Exploring Aromanticism and Relationship Insecurity

(vent I guess??) Well I'm back to thinking I might be aro spec again. I don't think I'm really capable of romantically loving someone. It seems like everytime I do manage to love someone like that, something bad happens and I just can't be happy in a relationship. Maybe I'm still trying to heal from my ex, I don't know. I mean trust me, I love my friends and my platonic boyfriend and I'm endlessly grateful for them, but everytime one of my friend's talk about their partners, I can't help but feel a little jealous and insecure. My relationships historically have only lasted a few to a couple months, I just want a long term relationship. I dunno. Am I really aro or am I just scared of relationships? If someone could sorta help guide my thoughts I'd be very grateful :)