Dealing with my parents' divorce after 45 years of marriage

Currently dealing with a lot but the biggest stressor as of lately is my parents starting the process of divorce after 45 years of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my mom for finally leaving. But anytime I talk about the situation or my father I start to shake or almost shiver uncontrollably. Just recently finding out this is another symptom I get when an anxiety attack is coming on. I’m so sick of holding everything together and being the “stoic” one in the family. I’m the baby, 14 years younger than my oldest sibling & I feel like my whole childhood was a lie.