darkstarrynight

107d

🏳️‍🌈 Vent Post:

I'm so tired of being "in the closet"! So, I'm bisexual and I'm transmasculine 🏳️‍⚧️ bigender genderqueer. My pronouns are he/they.

But I can't be "out" to my mom, cause she thinks "it's a choice." and she'll probably always bring it up when arguing with me.

She'll tell me, "Oh, God wouldn't want you to be like that...." But she wouldn't understand that, I am not any less of a Christian, because I am LGBT. (I'm LGBT Christian and my family is Christian).
I understand, my mom is like 60, (she had me when she was around 40.), but idk why she can't change her worldview.

I know she's more progressive, than like her other 60 year old friends, cause she was friends with these two older lesbian ladies for a long time. I don't think she'd kick me out, but I think she'd always nag me about it or say something gross about liking women or something.🏳️‍🌈

And the whole gender thing too, I think it would take her an extremely long time to accept that. She has always thought of me as her daughter, and now she would have to think of me as a different/more than one, gendered person? I'm not sure if she'd ever figure that out.🏳️‍⚧️

And my dad would probably accept that I'm bi, a lot easier. But he might say something strange, about me being trans. He'll think I've been brainwashed or something. And I know, I know, he would get used to it eventually, cause my dad and I are really close friends.

And I know that my parents will have a hard time, but would acknowledge that I'm bi, and they'd pray and hope that I have a preference for men, (I really have a preference for women, I think), and they would hope I marry a man, and that would restore their hope.🌈

But I'm worried that if I come out to my mom, she'll blab it to the whole family with her sisters and everything. And I already know who the gay cousin is, and it ain't me.

I'm also concerned about how the whole gender thing would go with them. 🏳️‍⚧️

I've really been trying and waiting until I move out and live on my own to come out to them. Like I'm waiting til I get an apartment and live in community college far away.

And I'm going to move out soon, like in a year or so. But I feel so impatient, cause it's been 4 years, since I first found out I was lgbt (at 14 yrs old, and now I'm 18 yrs.) And I am really lucky to have my own binder that I bought online, and keep it hidden in the house. And to have a pronoun pin, (even if it's in French, as to not "out" me.) But I want to have a ton of Pride Merch 🏳️‍🌈 🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ and I want to be able to wear a binder, and use my pronouns (he/they) with people almost everyday! And I'm getting sick & tired of hiding it! 😭😭😭

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Gender Dysphoria

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

View all
  • Tomato

    101d

    Thank you so much for sharing! I don’t really have anything to suggest to you, I can only say that I’m here for support

    • darkstarrynight

      101d

      thank you for reading and the support! I felt a bit better that day, after listening to Queen's "I Want To Break Free"!

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