Dealing with Grief and Loneliness After Losing My Husband

Since my husband's passing July 29th, I've been feeling incredibly lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by people that care about me the most. I have a therapy team that cares about me. I have friends they care about me. I'm even getting a new place now with her girlfriend. (My husband and I were polyamorous.) Everything's on the upside. Everything's going good right now. But, I still miss him. I still keep going and looking at our old hangouts my husband and I used to go to. I keep going back to everything and wondering "Why!?". Why did he have to go? Why did he have to get interstitial lung disease? Why did he have to pass? Why did he have to be on a ventilator? Why did he have to be taken? It wasn't fair to our girlfriend and I! It wasn't fair to our friends! It wasn't fair that we lost our apartment! Our horrible landlord sold the property that made my husband sick! It wasn't fair that my husband got sick from that property! So many things have happened! So many things have gone wrong in such little time! Now that good things are happening and I'm surrounded by good people- I feel alone. I'm afraid that bad things are going to happen again! I call it the, "fuckening". When good things happen- it gets stopped by a huge horrible thing. The horrible thing is called, "a fuckening". I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to believe anymore. Except that I could lose our girlfriend in any such manner. I could lose all the good things that are going on. I feel like it's inevitable and I don't know what to do. Almost like my worthless ass is being punished in the worst way possible.