Struggling with PCOS and Fertility: My Story

just got officially diagnosed today, blood work and ultrasound confirmed my fears. my gyno told me i HAD to go on bc after i said i didn't want to because my wife and i are in the pre-planning stages of preparing our lives to have me start trying to conceive. so, there's that. she also prescribed me metformin, which i will be starting tomorrow after some serious consideration. but now im stuck, because how do i tell her that i didn't take the bc after she told me i had to, at my three month check in? ugh. i know i should be relieved to know what is wrong with me, finally after all these years i have a name for something family reassured me would "get better with time" but i feel hopeless and like im evaporating into thin air. i guess the worst part is no one i know is educated on it, and i try explaining why it's hard for me, as someone who has always wanted to carry a child or two, ive realized that my chances of doing that for my wife and i; starting a family is going to be a lot harder than i had initially anticipated. and it's just so daunting. i don't think people understand just how scary it is. regardless if i had pcos or not, it was going to be harder because we're a queer couple, and we have to go through a fertility clinic anyways with donor sperm, which that gets $$ really quickly. im not complaining because i know that children are a blessing and worth every penny, but it is frustrating seeing people in our very heterosexual family conceiving without a second thought, when we have to try, and try. and i don't think they understand because they've never really been in our shoes, saving thousands of dollars to be able to just try for a baby. that doesn't include the saving for the child itself. most people ask us why my wife can't just do it, but she has endometriosis and is in the process of getting a hysterectomy and it is her personal choice to not carry a child within her body. people ask us why we don't just adopt, when they don't consider that, that is a very large goal for us in the future, but right now, it's not feasible. being an adopted child myself, i know that process is hell and back again. and honestly, the majority of people who tell us to "just adopt" have never actually gone through the process themselves. i feel like everyone just tries to slap a bandaid on our vocalisations of our stress and pain without considering that maybe we have already considered that exact thing a thousand times. and now, im in a spot where, i feel so unbelievably guilty for even thinking about bringing another person into this world given the state of it. it's just so devastating. and i feel so hopeless. im full of hope usually, im not a very pessimistic person, but this, might just be my breaking point. to everyone who got through this stage, how did you do it? how did you regain that hope? any success stories or suggestions are greatly appreciated. 🧡