OCD is ruining my life

I have been there. Please, if it it's at all possible, see a mental health professional about this. If your OCD is so serious that it has caused suicidal ideation, then you need to get help for it. When I was in that position, getting help was the only thing that... Well, helped. I went to therapy for a while. I had to stop because my therapist left. Then I later decided to finally try anxiety medication, which has really helped. OCD is one of the worst things I've ever dealt with. But it can be treated. If you can't go to therapy or go on medication, I recommend "Getting Over OCD: A 10-Step Workbook For Taking Back Your Life" by Jonathan S. Abramowitz, PhD. I can't say that it fixed everything because I got on medication before I finished it, but it really helped me identify the core of my OCD and figure out how to conquer it. I got over my numbers obsession with this book.