Carrying the Burden of Myself: Coping with Anxiety

how do you cope with being the least wanted, most exhausted, yet most scared person in the room all at once. carrying the burden of myself keeps getting heavier and heavier. waking up and realizing you have to face another day shouldn't have to be this debilitating, but it feels like i cry about it every morning. happy birthday to me, i got 2 days into 19 without feeling like an old worn out hag. we'll call that the grace period of "i'm allowed to get really fucked up for a day because it's my day!!" after effects. but now we're back to agonizingly normal, colorless, empty life.