Struggling to Open Up in Therapy

I can’t open up in therapy. I’ve been with the same therapist for over a year now. She’s my 5th one. She’s the best one so far. And I say sorry every session. I data dump, I just feel like if I open up, that I’ll lose control of all these emotions I’ve been bottling up. And I’ve intellectualized it and explained it to her…she knows it’s my pace that we’re going in and she’s amazing. I’m trapped by this fear of my own feelings. I’ve opened up to people before and just got rejected. I’ve been alone my whole life, at least, I’ve isolated myself my whole life and people always complimented me and praised me for it. I’m 20 and reversing who I was starting from before 5 years old. And I’m seeing pushback from people now that I’m trying and it’s too much to handle.