healthphie

53d

im admitting myself for in-patient help soon but my mom keep calling and asking about when I plan on doing it. she’s been really helpful and found which hospital is best but I still need to quit my job (that I only started in the end of Sept), my boss is on vacation, my rooms a mess, and my godmother said I cant live w her for much longer bc her worrying about me might make her have a stroke bc she has high blood pressure. but every time my mom calls about timing, I get angry and want her to leave me alone. I havent even told my sister yet bc I have to keep my mom asking my dad for a divorce a secret from her rn. there’s just so much in my brain rn and I just want to sleep. another thing, I keep getting asked if I have thoughts of suicide, but the thought of that makes me anxious bc then I would be a burden of sadness on the people around me in my afterlife

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Trichotillomania (TTM)

View all
  • Terrytaco96

    53d

    You are carrying the burden of others while also trying to take care of yourself. I hope you are kind to yourself during this time and give yourself grace.

  • Tofu14

    53d

    It sounds like things are really hard right now. If you aren’t going to kill yourself in the next few days, you might want to consider intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization. This option would still work if you are having bad suicidal ideation but aren’t going to go through with it. As far as all the other stuff take it one step at a time. You don’t have to decide that you want to quit right now. Get a medical leave letter. Decide that once you are feeling a little better. Honestly having the structure, things to do, and spending time with people is usually good for you and quitting jobs can make a lot of people much worse. As far as your mom, tell her that you will keep her in the loop and to wait until she hears from you because the constant calls are stressful while you are trying to get ready. You appreciate what she is doing for you, but right now you need some space to get ready. And telling everyone else can wait until you are ready. Not everything else needs to happen today. Tell them when you are ready and have the capacity. Or don’t tell them— up to you. Your medical info is yours to keep or share and no one is entitled to know anything that you don’t feel like telling (in a particular moment or just in general). And for the housing tell her that you will work on it as soon as you are feeling a bit better. You appreciate everything that she has done for you, and you want to make sure that both of you can stay healthy. You might be able to find a social worker to help you find an apartment to rent. Or if you can’t afford that subsidized housing. Please try to take a breath during this stressful time and do some self care. Make a cup of tea or go for a walk or do something nice for yourself. Also consider doing a short grousing exercise. There are a bunch online if you google that. But also I just want to validate how hard this is. Things are never easy during low moments. I have definitely been there. Try to take care of yourself. You got this and things will get better Also feel free to reach out to me. Happy to chat.

    • healthphie

      53d

      thank you. the whole suicide anxiety thing has been the only reason I havent done it. but it’s to the point where I will never do it so it almost feels like i’m not taken as seriously bc I tell professionals im not having those thoughts, but if a car were to hit me I wouldnt care so it’s not like I would prevent death I just wouldn’t do it myself. I hate my job lol, im a receptionist- I have a degree so it’s a waste of my time. I spend my days stapling packets for a woman who doesn’t use the correct there/their/they’re. and the leave of absence is unpaid so it’s not worth keeping my job. I have some family saying I can stay a few weeks w them but my mom is in the process of kicking my dad out so that I can move back home

      • Tofu14

        53d

        I totally get what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are an excellent fit for outpatient. Inpatient is really only to watch you and make sure that you aren’t going to kill yourself but they do the same therapy stuff in outpatient if you don’t need to be watched all the time. I’m not dismissing you when I say you are a good fit for outpatient and maybe not impatient. I get how hard it is to be in your position. Truly. And saying outpatient might be a better fit is not a reflection of the level of pain you are in. It’s just figuring out what is the best way to be well, and what is the best fit for you to feel better. Yeah it sounds like the job is boring and not great, but the whole thing about structure and stuff still stands, but you are the expert in yourself so do what you think is best— just something to consider. I’d certainly be happy to help with resumes and applying for more exciting jobs if you would like support there.

      • Tofu14

        53d

        and it’s great that you are family to live with and will be able to return home soon.

      • Tofu14

        53d

        also what’s your degree in? Super cool and exciting! Mine is in math.

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