My boyfriend likes to talk bad about himself like calling himself an idiot and i tell him he’s wrong and not to say it but he says he has to say it or he’ll just say it in his head but he shouldn’t be saying it in his head either! I feel like he says it just so i tell him he’s not stupid and it feels like positive reinforcement. What am I supposed to do, let him say mean things about himself all day?

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Kendra363


    I once had a friend that had a rule thelat everytime she heard anyone say something negative about themselves she would make them say 3 positive things about themselves. I think it's a wonderful idea and I do it to my friends

  • Princess_Lucy


    To be dude I'm the same way to myself and I don't know how to get it out of my head it's really hard

  • Polistinae


    i’d love to get him to repeat affirmations or say positive things about himself but he just refuses and says that’s not what he needs and then it’s my job to come up with something else! he gets too self-conscious for it. If it was clearly started by something i explain the situation and make sure he knows that what happened does not make him an idiot but he says he still feels that way. Even if it’s not clear I try to find out what triggered it and he tells me there was no trigger and this just happens sometimes. I don’t mean to put down your ideas they’re great ideas and i’ll try them more. this i guess is just what im worried will happen or what’s happened in the past when I try. Thank you!

  • Doglover25006


    Maybe try something along the lines of when he’s taking down on himself like that he’s talking down on you too because you chose him you think he’s smart and whatever other attributes you want to highlight and when he calls himself an idiot it’s saying your judgement and choice and affection for him is misplaced when it’s not

  • Lilybaby29


    Look up fixed mindset vs growth mindset and show him the info and talk to him about neroplastisty (I think I spelled that right). It is just a mindset that was developed during childhood, that can be changed but the first step is understanding that. There is a lot of information on this. Everyone's advice above is wonderful, and I encourage you to do what they are saying. Changing from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset takes time, and encouragement. One thing that really helps is to focus on the steps instead of the results. So if he makes a mistake, say things like "that's great everyone makes mistakes" talk to him about how a mistake is a learning experience and now he knows another way of how not to do it. My teacher that taught me about the different mindsets, would start each assignment by telling us she expected at least 3 glorious mistakes from each group. Because learning that mistakes are part of any learning curve is so helpful. We are not perfect, and therefore are always going to make some mistakes. But knowing that it's okay and being able to look at the mistake and seeing where we could try something different, that is hard at first but so healthy. (Sorry I might be rambling, I just woke up. Hope this helps!)

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