Wanting Connection But Hating Connecting: Advice Needed

Does anyone want connection, but hates connecting? I’m always forcing myself to spend time with people, but it’s always so hard to. I know it’s worthwhile to care about those who care back, and I’ve always been really good at that, but I hate doing it. I just want alone time, all of the time, but after enough of it I start to miss that feeling of connection. So then I seek out time with friends and I can’t wait to be done with them again for another couple of weeks. I mean, my friends understand. They all know I’ve got their backs. I just disappear a lot and often. I have no reason to feel so lonely around them all the time, but I can’t never seem to get that feeling I’m craving. My boyfriend can’t seem to access it either, most of the time. I guess I hate people and it’s something I want a little advise on ❤️

Your answer

chickenllama

1y ago

I completely understand. In my experience, these waves are natural, and they happen to everyone at different levels. Connection is an innate desire, but everyone has different ways of achieving their base line of connection. Maybe try new activities with your friends/boyfriend (who i’m glad are understanding). Like picnics, amusement park rides, or smth more low key/less interaction like book shops or cafes. See what works for you and take your time, don’t rush it. Figure out how many friends you like hanging out with at one time! I’ve found that there’s only a max # of friends that I can hang out with at one time. Also, try to figure out what your love languages are and your attachment style, you can take a quick quiz online. I think that might help you on your journey of connectivity. :)

itsnotmefr

1y ago

I struggle with this a lot too, it doesn't help that I also have selective mutism and let alone texting feels like chore. As much as I think I like the "peace", i do miss having conversations with people. i barely get any texts anymore and i fell off with most people as well as best friends. I rarely go out too so I'm practically a loner, not that it's bad but I just miss the random texts I'd get or even them sending me memes :( I don't think I have advice for this at the moment, sorry but your feelings are valid fs, it's not on purpose that you feel this way ♡

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