See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Kidney

774d

For those with CPTSD- Did you have any unhealthy romantic relationships when u started first dating? My first partner acted like a Narcissist in the relationship and I was a Codependent. Telltale signs- Gaslighting, 'Crazy' Hidden ex, Unhealed Trauma (He has Severe Physical Childhood Abuse), Lovebombing, Jealousy, etc. Warned by the hidden ex and a friend to not be with him.🚩 Reached out to the ex years later and found out he took advantage of her when she was drunk. The ex and I were both manipulated into sending him photos. I was getting out of therapy when that relationship started. Even though therapy was over, I still couldn't believe I had PTSD. I felt really isolated and he left me when the pandemic started. After the relationship, I felt even more like I couldn't trust anyone and no one could trust me. I withdrew. It irks me how people don't consider narcissisic abuse to be valid. I have a lot of anxiety about this current relationship because of what happened.

Top reply
    • U.V.R

      771d

      Hey, your trauma is 100% real, and explanation does NOT equal excuses nor does this make what your ex did any less bad, but as a narcissist who has been abused by another narcissist AND as someone with C-PTSD, it's best not to demonize narcissists. While, yes, some narcissists are abusers, not all are. 'Narcissistic abuse' is truly just emotional abuse. Narcissists are mentally ill as well, that's why NPD is a diagnosis. Just like you can be abused by someone without NPD, you can also have a good relationship with someone with NPD. In fact, try finding narcissists, like myself, who are self aware of it. Theyll be the first to help point out warning signs of potential narcissistic behaviour! :)

    • U.V.R

      771d

      Hey, your trauma is 100% real, and explanation does NOT equal excuses nor does this make what your ex did any less bad, but as a narcissist who has been abused by another narcissist AND as someone with C-PTSD, it's best not to demonize narcissists. While, yes, some narcissists are abusers, not all are. 'Narcissistic abuse' is truly just emotional abuse. Narcissists are mentally ill as well, that's why NPD is a diagnosis. Just like you can be abused by someone without NPD, you can also have a good relationship with someone with NPD. In fact, try finding narcissists, like myself, who are self aware of it. Theyll be the first to help point out warning signs of potential narcissistic behaviour! :)

    • Puffykitty1

      771d

      Yes I think it’s common to feel attracted to people who are like your abusers.. or just not to recognize the bad songs in people because you have been around so many hurtful people that it’s hard to tell what’s a big problem and what’s a small problem..

    • minime273

      772d

      First friend was cause of bulk of trauma. First romantic partner was kinda manipulative, but I didn't realize it until I went to write it out just now; I'm learning a lot about myself and stuff lately I guess. Current (second ever) romantic partner, tho, is the absolute best tbh

      • minime273

        772d

        @minime273 *was the cause of

    • Shaylene

      773d

      Very unhealthy when I first started. Ended up finding a man who really loves me and is supportive of my life. Also have gotten rid of toxic family and am getting better everyday

    • Kidney

      773d

      I just went back to (online) therapy very recently to resolve my cptsd symptoms and long-time depression. I'm seeking out support now. I hope to talk to people that have been through similar experiences. My current boyfriend of 2 months is validating towards what I went through. I do have a lot of anxiety in the current relationship- not only coming to understand the implications of the first relationship but current boyfriend is exhibiting signs of depression & is on a waiting list for a therapist.

    • Porkbun

      774d

      Yeah I have had many abusive relationships. I know you said you just got out of therapy but w ould u consider returning? After a relationship like that it's important I think to have as much support as possible. I was finally able to leave my ex after a while in therapy. Then I met my now boyfriend. He is very kind and loving and supportive. But my ex is my neighbor and I won't say that I don't get pissed off sometimes seeing his stupid face.

    • sarubun

      774d

      Ooh boy yes. My first "serious" boyfriend was extremely physically and verbally abusive and my cptsd and early conditioning that went along with that definitely played a role in me staying and normalizing the abuse. After that relationship ended it felt like almost every relationship I had after that one was doomed from the start, I would go after much older, very emotionally unavailable men who I could tell on some level didn't respect my identity, either they fetishized me or saw me as something I'm not (I'm a gay trans man and the first partner did not react well when I first tried to come out, so didn't finally come out of the closet until over a year after we split). After years of consistent (and good) therapy I was able to recognize the pattern I we perpetuating and work on solidifying my identity on my own, I'm now in a very healthy relationship with my partner of a year and a half that's been built on mutual respect. I still have some codependent thinking and behavior that pops up in the relationship from time to time, but it's something that we both continue to work on and communicate about. I do still have a lot of anxiety around relationships in general given my history with them, and I don't think that anxiety will ever truly go away for me, but having a partner who actually puts the same effort into the relationship and who also values communication has helped to quiet a bit of that anxiety

      • Kidney

        773d

        @sarubun I am happy that you have found yourself a great, communicative partner ♥️♥️🙏 I hope that eventually the anxiety will dissipate.

    • Margaret4

      774d

      yes, my very first relationship was traumatic, it set me up to fail in all subsequent relationships i’ve had ever since so i’ve just given up on romance altogether. i was 15-16 and he was 20. i’m 25 now and i still can’t get over it

    • Zeldasioux

      774d

      Not an ex but my first best friend was sm like that, i was totally in love with them until i realized how toxic they were /: but yea now im in a healthy relationship. i guess we learn something from those people at least, but now i have severe social anxiety because of them 🥲

    • kase9207

      774d

      Oh yeah. My ex practically forced me into a relationship and everytime we had even the smallest fight he would scream at me and slam his head into the wall

      • Kidney

        773d

        @kase9207 That sounds terrifying, for a partner to hurt themselves like that in arguements

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion