Undiagnosed Mental Health: My Struggle with Perfectionism and Addiction

Ever since kindergarten, until my 12th grade year, I was straight A's, perfect attendance, star athlete, theater kid, choir kid, in mostly honors classes. undiagnosed. I never had to study. Never took any work home. I had an average of 112% in my schools computer drafting class. wtf. undiagnosed. I twirl my hair on either side or both more than I breathe. only issue any teachers had with me was I didn't know the appropriate time to talk. undiagnosed. I had a therapist tell me I was just going downhill because of my addiction to meth and heroin. I had snapped my senior year from all the pressure, all the eyes watching my every move as if I was a celebrity. if I was a celebrity, I'd have been shaving all my hair off and whacking people with an umbrella at that point. being undiagnosed has worsened my dissociation, ocd, mdd, anxiety and more than doubled the damage left from the drugs. ive never taken adderall, meth was the closest and the cheapest I got. I just wanna understand how in the hell was I able to f*** up the amazing life my now deceased dad had worked himself to the bone for me to have. I know, "its the drugs". I had snapped the middle of my senior year, before drugs, (before I had even smoked pot) and stopped caring about everything. I wrecked cars, quit school three times, etc etc. I was honestly about to delete all of this and not post it but I spent too much time on it so wtf here goes nothing. sorry its long. if u take the time to read this ily