Understanding OCD: Can Anyone Share Their Experience?

oops i want to add to my last comment that the paranoid isn't constant, it comes more in waves for me

for me personally (keep in mind that everyone's experience is different and that i got diagnosed with a "severe condition") it just feels like constant thinking and paranoia. i know in the back of my mind that i'm being ridiculous but the thoughts cloud my common sense to the point where i have to do complete compulsions to feel safe. every new fear feels like spiraling into complete oblivion even if i fight it off

OCD, in essence, is the holy book of how I operate, except in being forced to adhere to it. It has lots of rules for lots of numbers. It can be exhausting.

ive shown symptoms of ocd since i was super little, so growing up with it i always just considered it a part of me? i find it really difficult to separate what is a ritual or a compulsion from just living my every day life. most of mine has to do with making everything feel “just right” (patterns, straightening, evening, etc). a way i try and help myself separate the ocd from the “normal” is to take a step back and look at it from an outside perspective. “is this really something i NEED to do? why do i feel i have to?” it doesnt necessarily aid in breaking those cycles, but its certainly a step in that direction. i hope your journey with ocd goes well! remember you arent alone, and you arent defined by the disorder :).

For me it feels like thinking a lot if that makes sense? I will do something as a ritual and consider it a habit or quirk or just something i say or do. Sometimes it can be really horrible intrusive thoughts that are triggered by certain subjects typically. I typically consider it to be more than a habit/quirk when i think or “know” that the consequences for it not happening are because of me not doing the thing inherently. Or if i just have to keep doing the thing because i need it to feel “right” or correct. In terms of contamination i have only noticed it with one thing and in that i am physically ill and repulsed until i see the object/surface the thing was touching is “clean”. For me ocd doesnt mean anything, i live with it and it doesn’t have to mean anything. Its part of how i experience the world is all. If meaning is important to you then i hope you find it.