See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

PrincessCookie

459d

Hey y'all, am I being overdramatic/selfish? My husband and I have started to seriously discuss having children. Since I'm trans (MtF) and he's cis we'd have to either adopt or go the surrogacy route. Since I've been on hormones for a while now I'd probably have to go the IVF route if I want a biological child. My husband wants to go the IUI route, which is less expensive. It's basically the turkey baster method. He's hoping one of his friends would be willing to donate eggs and/or be a surrogate for him. I was 100% on board, but the more I think about it the more uncomfortable I feel. I'm just not comfortable with the idea of either one of us putting our baby gravy in someone and letting it sit in there. Especially with someone we know. I have no issues with IVF, but IUI just feels different. I don't know how to bring this up, and I'm scared to. Any advice?

Top reply
    • coder87

      459d

      I don't think you're being greedy. But I think you should consider the cost difference and what you could do with that money to help the baby. Remember that sex is not love and sperm is not even sex. It's just a way of transporting genetic material. There's no intimacy in it, and it certainly doesn't make your relationship in any way impure. This woman is going to carry your baby, which in my opinion is hugely more personal than having sperm injected.

    • coder87

      459d

      I don't think you're being greedy. But I think you should consider the cost difference and what you could do with that money to help the baby. Remember that sex is not love and sperm is not even sex. It's just a way of transporting genetic material. There's no intimacy in it, and it certainly doesn't make your relationship in any way impure. This woman is going to carry your baby, which in my opinion is hugely more personal than having sperm injected.

      • PrincessCookie

        459d

        @coder87 Your point about the cost benefit is definitely something I've been keeping in mind. Which is probably why I feel like it's selfish to feel what I'm feeling.

    • TheTrueSuperDX

      459d

      No, you're definitely not being selfish from what I can tell, having a baby as a biological female is a pretty touchy subject to think of alone, and as Trans MtF it's bound to be way more complicated, tho, I wouldn't know, I'm just talking about what I think I'm sure you're not being selfish and overdramatic tho

      • PrincessCookie

        459d

        @TheTrueSuperDX I feel inadequate as it is having to go the surrogacy route, but the thought of IUI really tears me apart. I guess part of it is jealousy tbh. That I'm a dud when it comes to creating life in my own body. IVF though doesn't make me feel anywhere near as bad as IUI.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion