Should I Stay or Should I Go? Dilemma in a Toxic Relationship

PrettyPolar2

394d

Hey guys, I have a dilema, as per usual. . . . My husband and I got married a year and 4 months ago but it wasn't really my first choice. He really wanted to stay with me in the US and if we didn't get married he would have to leave. I am still with him and we have been together for 2 years total and I just don't see a future with us. All the stuff on the outside is cool, we cook together, play sports, we both are artistic and we look good together. My psychiatrist and my psychologist say that the is a narcissist and he is manipulating and gaslighting me. The sad thing is I knew he was a covert narcissist since like week one because I am good at reading people. It wasn't like I liked being in a toxic relationship because I tried so many times to leave him. One time he convinced me to break up with him so I could be independent and then after we were crying together he convinced me to get back with him, idiotic right? The main reason I am still with him is because I have BPD, Bipolar I, anxiety, OCD and PTSD. My childhood and adult life has been really fucked up to say the least. The good part is I have made some friends at college and I am out of the gross, fuzzy, negative mindset that I used to have every day. I said all that to say this, he will get his green card and permission to travel in like 1-2 months and we have plans to go to his home country and I would love to see his family again. The problem is all the plans are so exciting but our fights are him interrupting, gaslighting, shutting down and leaving as soon as I say something he doesn't want to hear and it is just monotonous. I bought a motorcycle and we have plans to move two hrs away near his college and I really don't know what to do. I have fantasies about other guys and girls all the time and I feel bad but I make the excuse in my head that I will leave him so its okay. I also think about this hot guy I had a fling with and almost went to his apartment. I haven't cheated on him IRL but I don't want to be disloyal in my head. Should I move with him and just stick it out for like 6 months or a year more or do a long distance relationship and stay and he moves by himself? Thanks for reading all this, let me know what you think!

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MiriamShtetl

393d

I was in the same situation but we had just signed a lease even though I didn't want to, also tried to break up with him so many times as well, that I even packed all my things and stayed somewhere else, and he just turns things around so convincingly. Anyway, no one should be made to question themselves constantly, about what you want or how you feel, it's a complete mental violation and emotional invasion and this scars you even if you don't realise when you're in the relationship. And, as far as I'm concerned these plans you guys have for the relationship, be it for the green card or travel, it's already been broken by him for mistreating you, controlling you and be so inconsiderate of you. If you see your relationship as equal, does he make you feel equal? The only way I was finally able to leave my partner, was sort another place to stay (friend/family/houseshare/shelter) and have everything packed and moved there, told him I didn't love him anymore and it wasn't fair to him, and maybe one day we'll get back together (basically promised this just to get away, not sorry). So you don't owe him anything, youve given more than enough already, too much. Please find away to leave and live your best life and fuck those hotties!! ❤️

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- PrettyPolar2
  
  389d
  
  @MiriamShtetl hahaha fuck those hotties lol It was good to see you had such a similar experience. We had a two hr conversation yesterday and one today and he told me he also thinks about being with someone calmer and what it would be like. One of the most core irrational things is that he says that I will get better, like emotionally more stable and that is one of the reasons that he wants to stay with me when I ask him why he stays. He will complain and complain about stuff and it is so irritating because he never wants to leave or let me break up with him. The hardest part is that we are all lovey dovey now and he thinks everything is back to normal now but we had sex and I didn't feel connected at all and deep down I just know we aren't supposed to be together. I think about all our future dreams and I can see myself now having a panic attack if we got married. We just got accepted to the apartment I talked about in my post and we paid $475 for the application fees 😬 He would be able to live there by himself if he had a good job. The messed up part is I keep thinking about how man and sad he will be and no what is best for me and my sanity. The cloudiness is back and I am so tired of not feeling aware of my surroundings because its like my brain is trying to protect me, I don't feel confident or free. I talk to my psychiatrist on Friday and we are supposed to move out before May first. I need to make a plan, can you give me more ideas on how to mentally prepare for a breakup? I keep thinking about how much I will miss him and how I don't want to go manic or get depressed. 🙏
  
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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? Dilemma in a Toxic Relationship

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