Tips for Long Distance BPD Relationships?

OuchiePrincess is 100% correct

I feel guilty alot. I just was recently diagnosed with BPD and I know I drive my fiancé insane. But he stays with me and loves me. He's been super supportive

i have bpd and am in a long distance relationship. personally, i’ve been dealing with bpd for what seems like forever (13ish years) and i’ve learned how to spot an episode and talk myself down. this has saved me from a lot of meltdowns. one i realize i’m having an episode (wether it’s despair, mania, rage etc) i tell myself it’s just an episode and that i’ll feel very different in an hour so don’t do anything. i require a lot of reassurance and attention, but he does too and sometimes it’s very hard! the secret is putting in the work. learn how to understand where they’re coming from and take responsibility when you hurt them.

Amazing response and advice outchieprincess thank you so much!! My therapist made the same remark about being able to be a place where I am angry now instead of sad

I firmly believe in doing the work. The worksheets. The DBT, the therapy sessions, the spending time with myself even though it’s hard. The Shadow Work. I recommend it to everyone bc there’s literally nothing better than finally understanding yourself. Something that really helped me in my relationships with people and my disorder was learning about codependency. I’m not suggesting that you are codependent, necessarily, but learning about what it is and how it happens affected all my relationships afterwards. That fear of abandonment often triggers us back into codependent behaviors that really don’t serve us or our partners. Being able to identify it really helps. It doesn’t mean we’re bad, just that we’ve learned to act a very specific way to avoid being hurt. These are boundaries that need defined especially well during a LDR. It’s pretty normal to need reassurances, but you don’t need all of them to come from your partner. Having a support system to unload your insecurities into and filter your feelings through helps too, just remember to ask first! Nobody likes to get dumped on. Also, if abandonment wounds are making you angry instead of sad, this can actually be a good thing! You’re reacting with indignation for how you were treated, and you’re ready to do something about it! Often times it’s too late to do something about what first triggered us, but we can for the subsequent triggers! When we are reminded of something that feels bad or wrong, it’s our inner guidance system telling us this feels familiar and warning us it could happen again! But if you have PTSD, this is called hyper-vigilance, and not all triggers are inherently bad, just triggering. Learning to differentiate what is trauma and what is happening right now that is uncomfy is super important and helpful for discerning if your reaction is appropriate for the current situation. I hope this gave you some things to look into and hopefully some is helpful. Good luck

I can totally relate! I have an extremely patient and understanding partner but it’s hard not to feel like a burden who needs constant reassurance

this is a huge struggle for me unfortunately, it has helped just being able to communicate with my partner and lucky he is very patient with me. Very hard of course especially feelings of guilt after acting out :(