Oh god this week has been a mess.
Yesterday was the best day I had had in 7 days, mentally, and that is saying something because I texted someone they could physically hurt me if I ever made them mad so um… yeah?
My co-worker when I told her the story was like WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!
And I was like I WAS NOT IN A GOOD MENTAL STATE, I WAS FIGHTING WITH MY BRAIN SINCE SATURDAY AND IT DECIDED THE BEST OPTION WAS THAT!
To explain what exactly happened, I found out the hard way what one of my triggers was. And I’ve had a small trigger before, where I sat there, driving yelling SHUT UP practically but this was 100% different to that situation.
We were watching a movie, the scene from the movie itself was gross, but what I was not expecting was to start smelling things that weren’t in the house, passing a room that usually had those smells when a family member was still alive but has passed a year ago. I sat in my room, texting my friend panicked like wtf is happening and decided to not watch the rest of the movie.
The next day at work, I started having a breakdown, really don’t know how I lasted 6 hours at work, and that was when I realized this isn’t ok wtf is happening.
I literally spent this whole week crying and on Thursday, I was extremely dizzy, nauseous, and my heart was racing without even really thinking of anything. I laid on the floor and was like I shall lay here for eternity because it was the only stable thing.