Struggling with Thoughts of Calorie Counting and Weight Loss

I don’t have an ED or any diagnosis of the sort but there was a time in my life when I was with an abusive partner and often found myself calorie counting frequently on the scale etc. I remember during that time I only ate one thing, one small bread roll from Costco per day and black tea. Eventually I realized within a couple weeks I lost 17 pounds. Food just felt disgusting and my body felt contaminated by it. Eventually I did end this cycle through therapy and taking this person out of my life. I find myself having those thoughts often though. I just always constantly am in chronic pain and stuck with migraines even if I do eat. It feels useless to eat sometimes. I’m in pain whether I’m nourished or not. In all honesty I miss loosing 17 pounds in barely a week. I work out in a weight training class I have daily and I haven’t lost that much. I try to stop myself but I think about it a lot.