Struggling with the Disability System

I think I'm freaking out remembering how awful applying for disability was and appealing and being denied twice and I feel so helpless, I need help I can't work, I can't do anything because of how severe my anxiety is, my depression, my PTSD symptoms my anorexia , all of it takes everything out of me every single day I am taking it one second at a time. I supplied social services with every form they needed all 10 years of evidence that I qualify for disability, my therapist told me if anyone qualified it was me, I got doctors from the county interviewing me minimizing my pain and trauma to just something everyone deals with, patronizing judge and career counselor saying I didn't act sick enough, that I could do laborious work that at the time would've further damaged my spine, and worse one urine test with a false reading for meth when I was on Wellbutrin that could show up and methamphetamine, and they got all my history and could see there was no history of drug use, but used that as a reason why I didn't qualify for disability, I waited 16 months for them to put me through hell and then they tell me, no you aren't sick enough, and you abuse drugs (as if addicts aren't also disabled individuals in need of funds to get by) I am just really upset with the system that isn't built to help me or people like me, it isn't meant to make sure we get better. I want so much fory life and future but I am so freaking mentally ill and incapacitated. I can't even bring myself to drink water or eat or brush my teeth. how can I ever hold a job for more than a few months. I have general relief right now, I gave them the paper work stating I am disabled, and again they're asking for documents that I can't get because my insurance is inactive, because my insurance claims I am not disabled and have never been under my mom insurance, but my whole life have only been on her insurance. insurance doesn't want to help people, and the powers meant to help us don't want to help us. my therapist waited for the last due date to turn in my insurance paper work, she just disnt care enough about me to sign things in a timely manner. I just feel tired of life and burnt out