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tanaka

347d

TW for SH?? sorry of this seems insensitive or ignorant Am I in the wrong for saying I struggle with SH even though I don't have scars? I just had a conversation with one of my online friends about SH and our experiences with it. She asked to see my scars and I said that I didn't have any, and that I don't cut myself. She said that apparently I wasn't struggling with SH and that I was taking for attention? I tried to tell her that there were other ways to SH that I am not going to list and she disagreed. Sher thinks that if I really wasn't lying she'd be able to see my scars. I didn't have any besides on my hand, and that's only because I scratch my hand when I get nervous to the point I can bleed, and she said that didn't count. It didn't bother me as much while we were talking about it but now that I'm thinking more about it it angers me. I don't need validation that I SH just because I have scars? Sure, a lot of people struggle with SH and most of them do have scars but I don't, but it doesn't mean I don't struggle with it. There are other ways to harm yourself and all of them are valid, no matter how destructive they may SEEM or LOOK. my struggles aren't invalid just because you can't see them.

Top reply
    • AnimalBoy

      11d

      TW SH examples and experiences So self harm literally just means hurting yourself, like as a definition. Some people do it emotionally and it's still self harm. Some people restrict food to get hunger pains and its self harm. I know someone who just punches himself until hes one big bruise and it's still self harm. Even over stimming to the point you cause damage like your hand thing is self harm. Like clinically this is what a therapist would consider it and shes spreading gross misinformation by "disagreeing". But that's also a super weird and insensitive thing to both ask for and expect. No one should ask to see something that private, especially since some people self harm in private areas. I self harm, and always have, in ways that involve cutting including at least one deep wound every single time or burning/freezer burning myself leaving huge welts. But I don't scar. I have three scars I've had longer than a year and two are top surgery scars. I currently have one sh burn scar from a month ago despite doing it multiple times recently (I'm struggling and it's also during dissociative episodes but dw im okay) and its activley fading fast. It's even something my partner has mentioned thinking is unfair, his ex used to give herself tiny papercuts and would scar horribly so everyone around her was always sympathetic and she would regularly talk about her scars being part of her journey and such. So he found it unfair that my methods are more dramatic and extreme but many people Won't believe me or help me because they can't see the "proof" anymore. Idk I would talk to yor friend about her view of SH and mental health and about how comparing your struggles like that isn't healthy for either of you. I would also expect/ask for an apology for what she said about your situation and trying to say that it is fpr attention- something you should literally never say about/to any person.

    • AnimalBoy

      11d

      TW SH examples and experiences So self harm literally just means hurting yourself, like as a definition. Some people do it emotionally and it's still self harm. Some people restrict food to get hunger pains and its self harm. I know someone who just punches himself until hes one big bruise and it's still self harm. Even over stimming to the point you cause damage like your hand thing is self harm. Like clinically this is what a therapist would consider it and shes spreading gross misinformation by "disagreeing". But that's also a super weird and insensitive thing to both ask for and expect. No one should ask to see something that private, especially since some people self harm in private areas. I self harm, and always have, in ways that involve cutting including at least one deep wound every single time or burning/freezer burning myself leaving huge welts. But I don't scar. I have three scars I've had longer than a year and two are top surgery scars. I currently have one sh burn scar from a month ago despite doing it multiple times recently (I'm struggling and it's also during dissociative episodes but dw im okay) and its activley fading fast. It's even something my partner has mentioned thinking is unfair, his ex used to give herself tiny papercuts and would scar horribly so everyone around her was always sympathetic and she would regularly talk about her scars being part of her journey and such. So he found it unfair that my methods are more dramatic and extreme but many people Won't believe me or help me because they can't see the "proof" anymore. Idk I would talk to yor friend about her view of SH and mental health and about how comparing your struggles like that isn't healthy for either of you. I would also expect/ask for an apology for what she said about your situation and trying to say that it is fpr attention- something you should literally never say about/to any person.

    • anotherlostsoul

      345d

      Also please cut her out of your life. She sounds like a one sided toxic person. Honestly i cut all the toxic “friends” out of my life a few weeks ago and its been sad and lonely but better then me giving energy i barely have to someone who barely cares

    • anotherlostsoul

      345d

      I cut. But i also smash items or my fists into my head. No you cant physically tell but doesnt make it any less real.

    • tigershark98

      346d

      Your friend is completely wrong. I thought the crappy idea of needing scars / needing to harm in a certain way had died out years ago. Your friend is the one turning self-harm into a competition - if anyone is “doing something for attention,” it’s her, frankly. I have self-harmed for 12 years, using many, many different methods. Including scratching, like yours, scratching until I bled. It is absolutely self-harm! I did that a lot. I’ve done so many different things, all the way up through what many would call “extreme” self-harm as well. I have broken my own bones & I have given myself permanent brain damage, for example. And yes, I have cut for 7 years, and I still feel the need to state that for “validity” despite my more serious injuries. It’s not good the way people turn our struggles into a competition. I thought it might help to hear someone with this perspective say this: Your self harm is absolutely real, and it matters & your pain matters.

    • Duckyqueen123

      346d

      You all are completely right. I 4 years ago did sh and I don't have scars bc that's the whole point of fading c*ts so that you can lie about it if you need to.

    • cheeseandfruit

      347d

      My self-harm consists of calling myself names and struggling to get rid of violent thoughts towards myself. Think of it like abuse. Verbal abuse is still abuse.

    • goronkiss

      347d

      Self harm is literally anything you do that is intentionally harmful, including biting, burning, depriving yourself of good food or eating bad food. You deserve help in overcoming these urges.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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You are not in the wrong for saying you struggle with SH even though you don't have scars. Self-harm can take many forms, and not all of them leave visible scars. Your struggles are valid, and you don't need visible scars to prove that you're dealing with self-harm. Everyone's experience is different, and it's important to recognize and respect that.

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