Struggling with Self-Esteem and Eating Disorder

I’ve been feeling absolutely terribly recently about myself. Whether its self confidence physically or whether i feel like a terrible person, I just do not feel good about myself. Recently its been feeling a lot like my friends have been avoiding me. I’ve also just been struggling a lot with my eating disorder because when I’m upset I “self harm” by sitting in hunger pains. Idk why I do this but I cant stop. Also I keep getting hate comments under my tik toks, over innocent things. That paired with my friends being distant is making me so insecure and it makes me feel so alone. Now Im up late rambling bc I have nothing else to do bc I cant sleep Every night I depersonalize hella and its super sketchy and I hate it so much. I hate bpd. I hate how insecure it makes me. I just wanna sleep. I just wanna be able to recognize pictures of myself.