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ForgetfulFerret

553d

How do y’all put up with the yo-yo that is feelings from one day to the next of being ok with who you are to wanting to change literally everything about yourself the next? Some days I’m ok, others I just really don’t want to be “me” anymore. Some days I’m all “eff this let’s just change” and the next I’m terrified of change. Yet at the same time I feel like the current life I’m living is all just a lie I’ve carefully crafted to “fit in” or “be accepted” or “fit the role I’m supposed to”….

Top reply
    • AllostaticOverload

      504d

      @ForgetfulFerret I'm around if you want to talk about that. The first really obvious dysphoria came when I was 11 or 12, and I didn't start transition until I was 28. Ultimately, I needed to know that I wouldn't be abandoned. I don't think that's universal, though. As soon as I knew that I *could* transition, it took basically zero time to decide that I wanted to.

    • AllostaticOverload

      553d

      It isn't clear, but are you currently debating whether to transition? There's a lot of tips out there to make the decision easier, like breaking down individual presentation things you'd like to change, the button thought experiments, trying a low dose of HRT briefly to see if you like it... As far as being who other people want you to be... Do you feel safe when you don't do that? Mirroring people and their expectations can be a survival mechanism. It's nothing to beat yourself up over. Just spend some time journaling who you want to be, what you want to do, what you would like to try, etc.

      • ForgetfulFerret

        553d

        @AllostaticOverload I would say yes I’m on the fence about it. Just information gathering rn about other peoples experiences with it all and trying to make up my mind which road I want to take in life. I kept most of this stuff hidden for close to like 17 years and just recently have started talking to close people who know me or random ppl who don’t know me about it. Writing things down sounds like a good thing to do. I find talking to myself out loud and actually hearing my thoughts said also helps me with making decisions…I’m just confused and scared and worried rn. I got shocked the other year when I realized I know practically nothing about myself and have just been surviving my whole life. I’ve started my self discovery recently and finally all this repressed gender dysphoria came to the surface. So that’s what I’m dealing with now.

        • AllostaticOverload

          504d

          @ForgetfulFerret I'm around if you want to talk about that. The first really obvious dysphoria came when I was 11 or 12, and I didn't start transition until I was 28. Ultimately, I needed to know that I wouldn't be abandoned. I don't think that's universal, though. As soon as I knew that I *could* transition, it took basically zero time to decide that I wanted to.

    • Pikachu_girl

      553d

      Also there is no one way to be trans. Be yourself. Be who you want and do what you want. You don't need to fit in you just need to make yourself happy. I would focus on fitting in to a role yet. Your going to find that role in the future. Right now just find yourself firstm

      • Pikachu_girl

        553d

        @Pikachu_girl I meant wouldn't focus on fitting in. Auto correct sucks

    • Pikachu_girl

      553d

      I go through the same things. Dysphoria isn't always there. I've had it go away for months at a time or I've been able to ignore it because of the things going on in life. The thing I say is to try and ignore the dysphoria all together. It's hard but it helps me. I keep the same routine, shaving my face, showering, doing my hair and painting my nails. I used to only do this stuff when the dysphoria was bothering me and I wanted to feel more like a woman... Now it's just routine and it's helped me not feel it as much. I still have phases where I'll hate my voice and not like hearing myself talk or I'll refuse to look in the mirror, or I'll struggle to simply pee because the interactions required. Sometime my body hair freaks me out and I'm only wearing long sleeves and shirts around the house despite the fact that my body is shaved and clean. It's also helped me to try and not think about transition. Hrt and such aren't going to change you completely, they help but you need to be comfortable with yourself. I know it's hard to do but you have to accept that this is who you are and transition isn't going to change that. It's not going to change you. Ultimately you should definitely get counseling/therapy. They will be able to help you better than we can. I know how scary that is and how hard it is to work through this. You're not alone in any of this. Almost every trans person deals with this stuff. I'm terrible at explaining things so I hope this makes sense and it helps you

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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