Struggling with My Role as a Father to Special Needs Kids

my wife and I fostered kids for 10 years and adopted 11 special needs kids. over the years I made special bonds with several of my kids and they have been a great support system through my many issues. as my anxiety and depression worsened I'm afraid I leaned too much on them because 3 of my sons who were my greatest support have begun falling away from me, and have all started lives of their own that don't seem to have much place for me in them. this saddens me greatly because my kids are my life, but only one of the three visits now and then, one still texts and calls me occasionally and one hardly ever texts, calls or visits. I never wanted to be a burden on my kids, but I feel like I have become a serious one and have pushed them away and my heart hurts so deeply because of it. I still want them in my life but I fear they don't want me in theirs. the worst part is that all this has become a huge new trigger for my depression and anxiety.