It's a reccuring struggle for sure. It's quite literally an addiction, like any other. You're good for awhile, then the temptation comes back and you have to fight it. Sometimes it feels like the fight is harder the longer you're clean, but I feel it's easier to convince yourself not to follow through. Like "I haven't done it in so long, why should I ruin that now?" Ya know? Then, sometimes the urge is just too much to handle and you get dangerously close to relapsing, literal inches away. In those moments, it's best to tell someone. It's scary, absolutely, but it helps. Those who truly care about your well-being will not lose trust for you. If anything, it should strengthen their trust in you because you were willing to get help instead of giving in to the temptation of relapse. Those who are worthy of being your support system will be there for you unconditionally and without judgement.

Although it’s not a good thing I’m glad I’m not the only one getting the thoughts again years later and feeling like my therapist and mom won’t trust me anymore if I tell them