Struggling with Postpartum Depression and BPD

ive always feared that id experience PPD if i had a kid... this conversation has been helpful in verifying that that could be a risk for me :( tysm y'all

I definitely went through this and even though I'm past the ppd it's still hard to be the parent that I want to be and know I can be

Me! Took me a year to get passed my journey with PPD and PPA. It was so bad. I couldn't hold my baby I couldn't look at him. Everything bothered me and I felt like a bad mom because I just wanted to do the bare minimum. But here's the thing, with BPD Everything already feels like a truck load and then you add those post partum hormones to it and boom your truck is overflowing. It's not easy but it's not impossible. Not sure if it's the healthy way but this is what worked best for me, I forced myself to be his mother. To believe I could be. It was just a fake smile and pretend..until one day it wasn't. I can't pinpoint exactly when but I just woke up and I couldn't remember when I stopped pretending and when I actually started to have all these feelings and this bond with my child. Hes almost 2 now and I can't help but think that pretending and fighting through it is what got me to love him with such strong emotions. Not everyone can just give birth and have this unconditional love for what they just pushed out. It wasn't instant with me and that's fine. It takes awhile to adjust and that doesn't make you a bad parent at all