Struggling with My Moral Code

you have the power to not act upon your thought, if it brings you discomfort and awful feelings, it already shows that you're not a horrible person

obsessive and intrusive thoughts are "normal" in the sense of like. mental illness is a bringer of these kinds of thoughts. ocd can bring an extreme kind of anxiety and obsessive thoughts about the fear of hurting someone or being percieved as an awful person. you're strong enough to not act upon these thoughts and remember that intrusive thoughts aren't your own thoughts. it's something you clearly don't want happening. as with the thoughts, look into people on youtube or instagram with ocd or who are trained to know about this disorder. i'm not diagnosing you, but obsessive thoughts like those are definitely hard and you can work on them. a tip i learned from @ocd_strong on instagram is that you can learn to acknowledge the thought and think of it as just that. a thought and nothing more. the more that you obess about it, the stronger the thought becomes. trying not to focus on something will do the complete opposite. you got this!!