Struggling with Mental Health: Where Do I Begin?

I’m too afraid, so I have never been to a doctor to diagnose anything about my mental health. Recently, I have been very irritable, constantly nervous, gaining a lot of weight in a small period of time, constantly thinking about the people who’ve hurt me, drowsy/no energy, nauseous (?), and I’ve pushed away so many close friends and family, thinking of self harm, and honestly theres so much more to list. Today I felt very nervous, which caused me to have that feeling of wanting to throw up. I barely have had any energy at all, to do the bare minimum of any little thing. I haven’t had a good day in such a long time. I haven’t felt at least neutral in such a long time. Even if I am depressed/have anxiety and am diagnosed, I am afraid of prescriptions and their side effects. I feel like I’m struggling so much and in so much denial at the moment. Where do I get started?