Struggling with Mental Health: My Journey So Far

Hello out there. My biggest concern right now is my mental health. Insufferable self summary: Diagnosed with ADD as a child, Bipolar 2 in my late teens, Generalized Anxiety, and Dysthymia (and Bipolar 2 again) in my 30s. No official diagnosis but strong suggestions from several professionals over the years that I may have Autism Spectrum Disorder (instead of or concurrent with the Bipolar 2) and CPTSD . OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder were thrown around too but less so and they carried less weight against the others. Have been on all kinds of psych meds on and off since 2003 but none for very long (longest stint was maybe 2 years on some pretty heavy stuff) and long breaks between being medicated and not. Suffered a breakdown/suicide attempt in 2004 and was hospitalized. Went to rehab for opioid addiction (that had been on and off in varying stages of intensity since 2001) in 2012. Opioid addiction has been managed and under control since then but I am struggling to quit smoking cigarettes right now. I have been in talk therapy pretty steadily since I was 17 or 18, although I am not currently as of about 9 months ago. Not so with psychiatrists. I have only been to a handful throughout my life (compared with therapists) and they never last long. I am just now starting on Abilify after stopping Lexapro also about 9 months ago. Have suffered great traumas and losses in that time as well as the last 2 years and…well…always. I will also add that my moderate-severe hearing loss (enough to warrant hearing aids that I hate to wear) and ever-present allergies are also concerns as they GREATLY affect my mental health - especially the hearing loss. I am just at a point where I’m tired of living and not feeling like I’m doing it right and feeling SO incapable where nearly all of my conditions are invisible. Life, down to the tiniest things, feels impossible. That’s why I’m starting back on meds…again. It’s become unmanageable. I am strongly considering getting a full neuro psych evaluation in the near future - so many of my diagnoses are questionable and there’s other things that have been suggested strongly but never officially diagnosed mostly due to time and resource constraints. I’d love to just get a full “work up” and see what I’m working with to feel like maybe I have a more solid basis to work from…rather than the random shots in the dark I’ve been taking all my life. I am interested in any conversation out there to be had with those who can understand. This is probably a novel sized post and I’m probably doing this wrong…but hey…anyone who’s been through ANY of this, I’m here to listen and hope to chat soon.