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Skyfire

444d

so I saw a poll on here not too long ago about how active your sex life is and found comfort in the fact that only about 25% actually still had a lively sex life. this is something that has been causing problems in my marriage for many years. my husband understands what my condition is and doesn't want to do anything to hurt me but then when I try to do things for him he gets upset cause he feels rushed because when my libido is gone it's gone but he can't enjoy it if I'm uncomfortable. I honestly don't know what he wants from me and nothing has really made it any easier. so I guess I'm just hoping to hear yalls stories, things you have done to fill the void and how your relationships have been affected.

Top reply
    • anemone

      442d

      do you think that maybe cuddling or being next to him while he masturbates would work? you would have very little active role that way, but still get some of the intimacy. even if it's only a starting point to exploring alternatives, it can help open up the door to other types of experimentation. if this is uncomfortable, you may need to have a discussion with him about asexuality... low libido, pain, and trauma are all reasons that can contribute to it, and it isn't a life sentence either. it could change if your feelings change. if it works, you can add in other things as you're comfortable. the main point being, if his sex drive is too much for you to handle, make him take a more active role in handling it himself and add to it where you are comfortable. assuming you're in the US, you might also try going to a planned parenthood or looking for online services. i know that locally, colorado planned parenthood clinics serve patients in wyoming via telehealth, because they don't have clinics in wyoming; even if there are no clinics nearby to you, you may still be able to get care. there are a lot of people who need an oral contraceptive for whatever reason (many for other reasons than as a contraceptive) but can't afford it, so there are a lot of programs to make it cheaper, even without insurance. there are services that offer pricing based on income. i saw an online service called nurx that advertises $15/mo without insurance, if you're eligible. even if not, there are others available. don't feel that you need to resign just because you weren't able to pay for it through a retail pharmacy ::] there are other options out there

    • anemone

      442d

      do you think that maybe cuddling or being next to him while he masturbates would work? you would have very little active role that way, but still get some of the intimacy. even if it's only a starting point to exploring alternatives, it can help open up the door to other types of experimentation. if this is uncomfortable, you may need to have a discussion with him about asexuality... low libido, pain, and trauma are all reasons that can contribute to it, and it isn't a life sentence either. it could change if your feelings change. if it works, you can add in other things as you're comfortable. the main point being, if his sex drive is too much for you to handle, make him take a more active role in handling it himself and add to it where you are comfortable. assuming you're in the US, you might also try going to a planned parenthood or looking for online services. i know that locally, colorado planned parenthood clinics serve patients in wyoming via telehealth, because they don't have clinics in wyoming; even if there are no clinics nearby to you, you may still be able to get care. there are a lot of people who need an oral contraceptive for whatever reason (many for other reasons than as a contraceptive) but can't afford it, so there are a lot of programs to make it cheaper, even without insurance. there are services that offer pricing based on income. i saw an online service called nurx that advertises $15/mo without insurance, if you're eligible. even if not, there are others available. don't feel that you need to resign just because you weren't able to pay for it through a retail pharmacy ::] there are other options out there

    • Skyfire

      444d

      I also have sexual trauma from my childhood and that played a part in my hypersexuality in my teens which is when he and his got together. Back then I did have pain but also had lots of pleasure that made it enjoyable. After going though pregnancy however my body changed and there was more pain and less pleasure. I am actually on 2 antidepressants that killed my libido and I had found a solution with my ob/gyn in a certain type of birth control but then I lost my insurance and I can't pay the $200 every 3 weeks for it 😥 I try to create intimacy in other ways than sex but it's been a challenge to fulfill his youthful sex drive when I feel like I'm on the verge of death half the time

    • anemone

      444d

      this is definitely something i've experienced! in my case, i have a number of reasons - i used to take testosterone and my libido completely changed, and now have gone off it. i have sex-related trauma and triggers, most of which i have recovered from, but they still sometimes interfere. my conditions can affect libido and other areas of the experience. i'm on an antidepressant that causes low libido as a side-effect. despite that, i still have a decently active sex life, even if not as active as it once was. and i have some ideas. could you maybe go up until the point your libido is gone, then he finishes it off for himself? we tend to have very rigid thoughts about what sex has to look like, but it's so much more broad than that. sex can be just as fulfilling as intimacy, even if it doesn't reach a mutual climax or end with penetration. could you do longer foreplay where you get a need for intimacy and comfort fulfilled while he's getting sexual pleasure, then use your limited libido to enjoy a sex act together? could you maybe continue with your hands after you can't continue whatever other act you were performing, even if just on his chest, arms, thighs, or other sensitive areas while he masturbates? you could also experiment with new positions or acts to try and find things that don't hurt as much - a wedge pillow is excellent if you get back or hip pain, for example, or for people who can't do penetrative sex, intercrural with a good lube might be a good option... and of course, if it's really just the libido getting in the way, you could always try discussing options with your doctor, if you haven't already done so. there could be other options to help raise your drive. i'd be happy to help you brainstorm ideas to try if you have more details to share. and remember if something sounds like a good idea remember that you'll need to present it to him. if you try it out, keep an eye on your comfort level and express it if you want to stop. ask him to do the same, and ask how it was afterward or if he seems uncomfortable during. communication about the experience is key. i'm sure you'll be able to find something that works well for the both of you, even if it takes some experimentation ::]

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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