Struggling with Intimacy After Trauma

I don’t have anything helpful but I just wanted to say you shouldn’t feel embarrassed!!! If someone is lucky enough to be intimate with you physically they should be able to handle your emotions even if they are hysterical. Yes, you need to work on yourself and learn how to stop it from happening but you should never feel bad for feeling bad!!! because in my experience trauma is never self imposed so it’s not your fault you reacted that way and your partner needs to understand that.

Have you talked with your partner about past traumas? I was always anxious and self conscious about doing this, but once I did my partners were able to understand and watch for when something may have been triggering a trauma response. Taking things slow and communication is key. I'm personally part of the bdsm community and the standards for communication, full open and continuous communication, have really benefited me (even in non bdsm relationships). It may feel awkward at first but talking through what you and what your partner are doing, planning your romantic/intimate time, knowing what and how everything will happen, it doesn't dilute the intimacy and it can genuinely help raise the comfort level you'll have. It can even act as foreplay for some.

I take things extremely slow, nothing happens unless i ask or do it myself. Time and patience is key and knowing you are safe with your partner.