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789d

I have IBS. I was diagnosed with it. It’s considered a chronic illness and often incurable. Weird gut issues run in my family. But I can not help but blame myself. When I was a minor I interacted with older men online to get validation. They would ask me to do things and I would do them. They’d call me pretty and perfect and promise me gifts and a future. A man asked me to put something inside of my anus and I did what he asked. Looking back I was groomed by predators and I try not to blame myself…but it’s hard when I was technically making all the choices. A few months later I got an infection in my intestines and started internally bleeding. I never told them about the item. The doctors said it was a bacterial infection. After the infection healed, I continued to have gut issues. I can’t remember what it was like before the infection but I sometimes wonder if what I’m experiencing is normal. What if it’s all placebo. Am I even sick? Was I ever sick? If I really do have IBS is it all my fault? My grandma has Crohn and my dad has food intolerances so maybe it was just chance that it all happened close together. It’s been years since the infection and I still have gut issues. At least I think I do. I don’t remember what normal GI functions are. I often wonder if what I’m experiencing is real. A few doctors said it could be mostly mental, that I’m just thinking about it too much. Maybe meditation could help. They prescribed MiraLAX in mass amounts, put me on the fodmap diet. Neither cured or made a significant difference, but also maybe it did and I just don’t pay attention to what normal is. Maybe I should be recording things better… Am I sick, forever, and it’s my fault? Does it only get worse? People say there are cures and maybe I’m not even sick…but the idea that what I have is often incurable and can only really be managed is depressing.

Top reply
    • slothtastic36

      787d

      @bomb happy to help! feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat more :)

    • slothtastic36

      788d

      i definitely relate to what you said about not knowing whether your experiences are real. one thing that helps me when i’m stuck in that thought cycle is the fact that a lot of people with GI issues have actual physical differences in the sensory/pain networks of the brain, so even if your GI functions themselves are “normal”, your brain is oversensitive to and hyperaware of those sensations, meaning they are a lot more painful to you than they would be in someone without IBS. additionally, many people with IBS have been shown to have hypersensitive nerves within the gut, so again, even if the GI functions themselves are “normal”, they feel a lot more painful to us than to someone without IBS. i hope this is helpful, i know it is something that helps me feel better when i start to doubt my symptoms/experiences

      • bomb

        787d

        @slothtastic36 that does help, thank you

        • slothtastic36

          787d

          @bomb happy to help! feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat more :)

    • MysticMisty

      788d

      I've ibs since I was a kid. There are certainly certain foods that trigger it. I just found out that dark chocolate is one of my triggers. There was a supplement I used that semi helped regulate my bowels. It's called Papaya Digestive Support by Country Life that helped. Funny enough, rockstar energy drinks, specifically the fruit punch drink, helps a lot. Keeps me regulated. What happened in your past is not your fault. I hope you will go see a therapist or someone who is professionally trained to help you process your emotions/past. Many of my physical conditions were amplified due to my depression. Once my depression was cured, a good portion of the medical problems disappeared. I hope your journey to recovery is smooth.

      • bomb

        787d

        @MysticMisty thank you

    • Mimi92

      788d

      I'm so sorry. You've clearly dealt with a lot in your life and that sucks. I won't tell you that you need to "move on" from it but it is possible to manage the hurt that has been done to your body. I messed up my body big time while I was deep in the throes of several eating disorders. I feel like I'm a slave to laxatives just so that I can feel slightly normal. I don't know if I'll ever have "normal" digestion ever again. Every body is different, but I have found that regular exercise and anxiety medication have helped me immensely. I was afraid that my IBS would prevent me from having the energy to lift weights but it's only helped my symptoms. I'm not trying to give you a quick fix or anything, but just giving some ideas. And know that you can come up from what feels like rock bottom. Good luck. :-)

      • bomb

        788d

        @Mimi92 thank you for replying, i’m having a really hard time. do you blame yourself for the results of the eating disorders? how do you cope with that? you don’t have to answer that. i just feel like it’s all my fault. should i tell my doctors what i did? it’s been so long does it even matter now? i feel like they’d judge me…i hate that part of my life. but do you think it’s important that my doctors know about that specific incident? they know about that situation and my behaviors as a whole but not the specifics. Any advice for that part of it? If you don’t want to answer I totally understand. should i just move on and work on getting better?

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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