Struggling with IBS and Blaming Myself for Past Trauma

I have IBS. I was diagnosed with it. It’s considered a chronic illness and often incurable. Weird gut issues run in my family. But I can not help but blame myself. When I was a minor I interacted with older men online to get validation. They would ask me to do things and I would do them. They’d call me pretty and perfect and promise me gifts and a future. A man asked me to put something inside of my anus and I did what he asked. Looking back I was groomed by predators and I try not to blame myself…but it’s hard when I was technically making all the choices. A few months later I got an infection in my intestines and started internally bleeding. I never told them about the item. The doctors said it was a bacterial infection. After the infection healed, I continued to have gut issues. I can’t remember what it was like before the infection but I sometimes wonder if what I’m experiencing is normal. What if it’s all placebo. Am I even sick? Was I ever sick? If I really do have IBS is it all my fault? My grandma has Crohn and my dad has food intolerances so maybe it was just chance that it all happened close together. It’s been years since the infection and I still have gut issues. At least I think I do. I don’t remember what normal GI functions are. I often wonder if what I’m experiencing is real. A few doctors said it could be mostly mental, that I’m just thinking about it too much. Maybe meditation could help. They prescribed MiraLAX in mass amounts, put me on the fodmap diet. Neither cured or made a significant difference, but also maybe it did and I just don’t pay attention to what normal is. Maybe I should be recording things better… Am I sick, forever, and it’s my fault? Does it only get worse? People say there are cures and maybe I’m not even sick…but the idea that what I have is often incurable and can only really be managed is depressing.