Struggling with Guilt and Self-Hatred

my brain feels so broken. I hate the ever looming feeling of "I'm a terrible person" I've now physically abused 2 people whom I loved in my life while in the thick of an overactive episode. this last time I had lost my shit and was actively attempting to unalive. and my partner was trying to stop me so I bit the shit out of her. she says she's not mad at me and she understands because in that moment I wasn't myself and was literally running on almost an animalistic instinct to not be alive anymore. and I really appreciate that she doesn't hold any resentment or fear of me but god I fucking hate myself for it. I really do. she didn't deserve that. any of that. she was just trying to help me and I hurt her and I don't know if I can forgive myself for it. it's been years since my first instance of hurting someone I love (not her) and I have yet to forgive myself for that either. I'm seeking therapy on Monday because I'm tired of being so damn broken but I don't know how to begin working through the guilt