Having 1 decent day with minimal pain and I fuck it up by letting my siblings convince me of going to the bars last night. I had one drink and I immediately felt like shit after. On top of the existing anxiety of not being home. They peer pressure me every time. My sister even said she was proud of me that I ordered a drink. Like, wtf. They know that I can't and do not want to do that stuff yet they continue to ask and push. I have been so distant with my family since Februray that I have damn near no relationship with them anymore. I'm fine with that. I am not the old me anymore. As much as I know they wish I was. They can't or don't want to accept it. The looks on my sister's face throughout the night anytime she saw me just standing there quietly or without a drink..... I wanted to go home, eat my snacks and watch TV with my dog, like normal. Instead I switched it up and tried once again to go out with them.. but I have to stop letting them cross my boundaries. Doing that stuff physically and mentally puts me down for a few days. They don't seem to care or they think I'm exaggerating. Who knows. I did want to go out with them, which is why I did but I also need to stop letting them pull me in. I'm over it and I'm over this fucking bullshit hand I was dealt.
Rant over.