I eat as if eating can fill the spots where I feel lost or sad or confused. I eat and cry, I know it’s hurting me but I stuff the food into my mouth anyway. I hide and eat away from others. I look at my body and I see how big I am. I look at my body and my round bloated stomach and my double chin and flabby arms and I feel sad and lost and so I eat more to fill the hole that can never be filled. I have IBS which makes eating even more difficult. Anything could set off a tsunami of symptoms. I’ve decided the best feeling in life is relief. When I finally get that food out of my body. I wait as I painfully digest my mistakes. I wait until they come out the other side. In other words: lately the highlight of my day is taking a dump.