Struggling with Disordered Eating

I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder because I never told anyone about it, but it's also because I'm not sure what I do counts as an eating disorder? It's maybe more so just disordered eating. I'll go months eating what would be considered a normal amount of food and absolutely hate myself and keep trying to get myself to stop eating so much and then I'll control my eating and lose 5-10lbs over the course of a month just to lose all of the "progress" (I know it's not actually progress because it's unhealthy, it's just what my brain considers it). The cycle just continues and I don't ask for help because I feel like I shouldn't get it because it's not nearly as bad as what it is for other people. I feel like I don't even need help because I'm making the conscious decision to do it. It's not like an addiction or anything like that- my month of restriction doesn't feel like a "relapse", the months that come after do.