Struggling with Depression and Work

Good morning to all . what am I doing . Idont know why I can't get up n go to work . I just don't care and I know this isn't right. I just wish this depression would let me be. I don't know if I'm ok . what is going to happen to me. . will I be ok any time soon , I mean like in the next hr , tomorrow, I mean I want to be normal . when was on dope I was at work everyday now been clean 9 mo and I'm not able to get up n do what's going to pay my bills . it's crazy . what to do, I wish I could end it all but I'm too much of a pussy to try n take my life . I tried when I was in 8th or 9th grade drank a bottle of NyQuil but only to wake in middle of night n throwing it all up. . I'm tired of not being right .