Struggling with Depression and Suicidal Thoughts Despite Increased Dosage of Lexapro

I just doubled my dosage of Lexapro for my depression. Trouble is, I still feel pretty depressed. It’s been 3 weeks, and I still have some pretty suicidal thoughts. I’m not at a risk of committing, but it’s scary. I go through these highs and lows were one moment I feel like I can do anything, and the next minute my brain is telling me I’m worthless and need to self harm. I haven’t self harmed in 6 months, but I’m getting close again. Has anyone ever felt like this? I have trauma from a prior work place, so coming to my new work place every day flares all of those feelings up. I don’t want to be hospitalized, because my family is in a prominent place in our hometown. It would look bad on my family. I’m already letting them down by even being depressed. This is the last thing I want to do.