Struggling with Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

I’ve been suicidal and I was told if I really wanted to die I would have found a way to do it already. I’ve been called a child and to grow up, I’ve been asked “what’s your problem? Are you okay??” From having emotional breakdowns. I’ve had depression since I was 8 years old. I’ve come to realize that depression never goes away, you just have to medicate or find addictions to fill the void. I’m tired. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and am a waste of space at this point.