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Silly_Sili

626d

I just explained to my mom what goes through my head and how badly I'm struggling and everything I said made me realize that I'm actually really depressed and really lack self respect and love for myself. Like I just don't have a desire to take care of myself or do things that make me happy. The motivation is just not there and it hurts to realize that. Like I've nearly died on so many occasions and my sense of "wow, I need to seize the day and make the most of my time on this earth and really appreciate that I've survived so much" doesn't exist. I'll think about "what if I died tomorrow" and my brain will say "that would really suck because we've failed life and ourselves miserably but oh well my guy." I can barely force myself to get water or even use the bathroom when I need to. It's like this huge internal struggle and I don't understand how I got so bad without even noticing it. I'll stand in the shower trying to convince myself to actually wash and I'll just end up standing there frustrated because "what's the point I'll just end up dirty anyway". I need help and I don't have the insurance to get it anymore. I just feel so incredibly lost.

    • canoli

      625d

      I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. When I feel paralyzed by depression or anxiety I try to set 1 tiny goal for the day. Last time my first goal was just to leave bed and sit on the couch. I succeeded so I set a little goal for the next day. After awhile I started to notice the changes and it helped my self esteem and depression. I'm bipolar and the extremes of up or down are horrible but I'm slowly learning to cope. It's tons of work but worth it. Just don't stop trying. You can make it through.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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