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548d

hello everyone. I am feeling super low lately. depression mixed with BPD. a little back story. in March I left my husband on a whim. the world felt like it was closing in on me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't function. I felt like I didn't have a choice my brain was telling me I HAD to leave. I ended up making a friend- literally no romantic feelings were involved- but we would enjoy each other's company every once in a while. things got messy (still no feelings on my behalf but he was co trolling and possessive even though we made it clear we were just friends). July 1st we had a huge fight. screaming match in the middle of the street. cursing. yelling. when I got in my car it hit me. I wanted to be home. this is not the life I wanted to live. I am NOT that person. I went to my husband and told him everything and told him I wanted to be back home. I laid it out on the table and gave him an out. I would have completely understood if he didn't want to take me back. he did. but now our relationship is super rocky. I expected that. I didn't think he was going to forgive and forget. but his depression is bringing me way down. I sometimes have the feeling that I want to run again but then quickly remember why I don't. I do truly love him. none of this makes sense to people who aren't like me. and I find it hard to explain the way I felt when I had to go or had to come back. I've spent the last 4- almost 5 months- uncontrollably crying. I hate feeling alone. idk I know this was a long post. so if you stuck with it. thanks for reading. I just thought maybe putting this out there will help me come back from the edge a little bit. I need my marriage to work. but I also need to feel like this thing that happened isn't held over my head forever. I regret whole heartdly the whole thing. I am disgusted with myself for doing it. Idk. trying to forgive myself I guess.

Top reply
    • Chellery

      548d

      I get where you're coming from I did the same thing last year. My partner took me back and things weren't easy straight away, but we've been back together over a year now and things are starting to get back to normal. I don't know if it's a BPD thing but both me and my mum have it and struggle to cope when our partners aren't well mentally or physically

    • Chellery

      548d

      I get where you're coming from I did the same thing last year. My partner took me back and things weren't easy straight away, but we've been back together over a year now and things are starting to get back to normal. I don't know if it's a BPD thing but both me and my mum have it and struggle to cope when our partners aren't well mentally or physically

    • Heaven197987

      548d

      Sounds like you need couples therapy to help you move past it plus it could improve communication skills sounds like that might be an issue before and now you sought a friendship not another relationship

    • Eren2273

      548d

      I understand how you feel. Have you tried coping mechanisms or therapy for your BPD? It can help a lot! I hope things get easier for you, you deserve to be happy. 💕

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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