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Struggling with CPTSD and Emotional Neglect

4byfour

282d

Does anybody else suffer from cptsd from emotional neglect? I have a feeling almost everybody understands to at least some degree, because I think most of us have issues that other people have dismissed or ignored. I’m grateful for that. I’d really like to get along with someone who knows it the same way that I do. My life is actually kind of nice. I just really struggle to express myself, or even, recognize and identify my emotions. I’m very calm natured, I’m doing okay. I don’t know. I just feel like a walking ghost. I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m still very empty inside. I don’t struggle with much else, really. It’s just that I don’t know how to stop disassociating, I guess. I don’t know how to be grounded and present, and I don’t know how to have a normal relationship with somebody. They only ever go like, 20% deep for me. I really struggle in therapy because for some reason I go into survival mode anytime I express real emotion, and when my friends express real emotion, I try very hard to be healthy and caring. What usually happens is they get closer to me, and I don’t ever feel closer to them. It makes me feel like some kind of manipulator, when that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to get by. Oftentimes, when I’m close with someone, I never feel it until they’re gone, too. I’m a stranger to myself a lot of the time. It’s really hard to see that for what it is. I’m really hurting.

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Depression

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    • 4byfour

      221d

      @ebbertke thank you again.

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    • bloopdot

      281d

      Yesss!!! This is me!!! You literally can’t be yourself as a defense mechanism. You’ve been punished for being you for so long that you are terrified of being punished more for being you. You have to really work on accepting yourself and when you get rejection, you have to work on accepting it as normal, for one, and accepting the idea that it’s not you who is wrong, it is usually the other person. The other person is usually judgmental, and if they happen to not be and it’s you I’m the wrong, it’s imperative that you understand it was a bad action and not you who is truly bad. You can learn and grow and when you make a mistake, it does not define you as a person. It is vital that you release the fear of rejection and accept your flaws. It’s not that easy, but you do have to work on it yourself because if you don’t, it won’t get better. So basically, accept rejection and learn from it, or understand that the other person is in the wrong and you don’t have to change for shitty people. That’s usually what it boils down to.

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      • 4byfour

        281d

        @bloopdot what a huge hurdle to overcome! ❤️ thanks for outlining that

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    • ebbertke

      282d

      You described me 100% right there. I have a very hard time showing or expressing how I feel, I feel like a ghost as well and my life is going well too. Thing is the reason why I couldn't express myself cause I had an abusive Dad who never allowed me to express how I feel/minimized or demeaned it. My other side of my family been constantly been reaffirming to me that it's ok to tell how you feel or what problems you are currently facing. For me, I have a delayed response to emotions. I.e. let's say I lost a family member. It could take me a day or two for my emotions to come in. I also have a hard time with my friends too. I never really opened up to them because their lives and family dynamics are completely different from mine so it's hard for them to understand the pain and how I am at times so I try to be caring when I can (which is rare for them). Now all of this is based on my situation which might not be the same for you. If you wanna chat though of you need to talk to someone

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      • 4byfour

        221d

        @ebbertke thank you again.

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      • 4byfour

        281d

        @ebbertke thank you so much for sharing and showing how you understand. I’ll keep you in mind when I’m ready to talk ❤️

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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